Depression: Lawyers: Help

I can certainly attest to the devastating role depression can play in one’s life.

I was diagnosed with depression on March 7, 2003. I had unknowingly lived with it for years. I just thought I had a horrible life, not a mental illness. I was suspended by the Nova Scotia Barristers’ Society on March 11, 2003. I had a mental breakdown on March 11-12, 2003. Not my best week.

Given that in 18 years of practice, I had no disciplinary history with the Bar Society, all parties questioned what had gone wrong in my life. We all came to recognize the impact depression had on my mind and thus my decision making abilities. The crux of the complaint from the Bar Society involved my own file, there was no client as such. I acted more or less as my own lawyer in a real estate transaction. I had found an isolated house, and given my depression, I felt that I needed to hide from the world and then I mistakenly thought I would be able to breathe. Getting the house was a matter of true survival to me, or so my unraveling mind thought.
It took a few years to regain my good health. It took the solid support and understanding of my immediate family, some friends, my psychologist, and the Bar Society. Even in the midst of the darkest days of depression, I knew I wanted a voice to discuss depression and stigma. I think it is important, perhaps even incumbent on those of us who can, to seek that public voice to discuss mental health issues.

These last seven years, I have learned a lot about mental illness, my own and that of others.
In the early days, one source was the internet. I only left the house the first few years on rare occasions, such as my weekly therapy visit. Even with no self confidence to venture out, I could still sit in my bedroom and read online about depression.

The Canadian Mental Health Association has an extensive website ( www.cmha.ca ) with details on many mental illnesses, including depression. It lists the signs of depression as:
“feeling worthless, helpless, or hopeless; sleeping more or less than usual; eating more or less than usual; having difficulty concentrating or making decisions; loss of interest in taking part in activities; decreased sex drive; avoiding other people; overwhelming feelings of sadness or grief; feeling unreasonably guilty; loss of energy, feeling very tired; thoughts of death or suicide”

Looking back at my life now with a clear and healthy mind, I can recognize and accept that I had some of the above symptoms. Insomnia for years, I would stay up most of the night, not wanting the next ugly day to begin. I thought I would never be happy or comfortable in my life. I cut off relationships, some of which were with my best friends. Solo lunches also became common. My last personal relationship was curtailed due to my depression, it didn’t have a chance, I regret to say. I lived on a lake with no neighbours, and many nights a canoe trip with no return seemed like the only means to stop the angst in which I lived.

If you or a colleague has any of these symptoms consistently in excess of two weeks, you may have depression.

Even a popular website, www.youtube.com, has video clips on depression.

A new organiztion that brings light to the subjectof mental illness is BringChange2Mind, started by Glenn Close, Jessie Close, and several mental health groups. You can check it out at www.bringchange2mind.org or on Facebook. In the spirit of honesty and transparency, I confirm that I am a volunteer with the group, I administer the Facebook page, respond to emails from people in distress, and provide general advice.

So, in the private confines of your home or office, the means to learn about depression are just a click away. That click can change your life.

I note that a John Hopkins University study in 1990-91, found that among 28 occupations researched, lawyers were 3.6 times more apt to have depression. Two other studies in the 1990s supported this result. I know of no research since, but I suggest that given our ever increasing hectic world, the extent of depression has not decreased, but more likely it has increased. So, the legal community must realize the impact depression can have on ourselves, our families, and our clients.

So, if you think or feel you or a colleague may have depression, I strongly advise that you seek help. Talk to your family, a friend, or even someone not so close to you. As well, lawyers and their families can access their provincial lawyers’ assistance programs. Help can be just a phone call away. All discussions are kept confidential. That first step can save your life.

Depression deserves proper respect and attention.

Keith invites readers to contact him at kna1960@eastlink.ca